Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
