He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
