I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
