I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
