Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sarcasm needs its own font
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
