Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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