Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
