Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
