yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
