I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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