haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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