he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
