I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
