yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
