Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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