Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
