youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
