youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
did i walk over a car last night?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
