i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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