Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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