Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
