There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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