When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
