Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
