can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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