Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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