my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
