I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
