you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
