There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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