I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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