now i know why i became what i already was.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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