Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
