Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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