So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
