We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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