Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize