New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
