they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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