You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
