My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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