There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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