I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
