im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
