You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
