Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
