So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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