The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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