Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my shit smells like andre
it's like heaven, but drunker
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
