Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
