My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
