I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
