I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize