there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
