My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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