I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
