look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
