Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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