I'm going to jail i love you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
