I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
