i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
