3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
