bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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