I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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