So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
no, he came in my armpit
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you had me at cake vodka
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize