Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
