I wish I could punch you in the face.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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