Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Less talking, more tequila
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
