Your face is a jimmy john
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize