you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
