As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
