No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
