Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
