Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
