I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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