my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
