they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
