hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
