The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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