so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
