Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
