i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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