He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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