I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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