alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
