After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
