Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
