I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
