I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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