What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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