I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
