man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
