i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
