All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
