At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
