I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
